I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
