I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
it's great music for shaving your balls
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
