careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
So here I am, sexting at work.
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