Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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