I don't usually arrange sex via text message
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
