After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
