Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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