no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
