I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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