Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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