OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
