I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
