After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
