Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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