how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
