Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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