Where did you get a picture of my penis
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
