how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
