just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I am naked and annoyed.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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