I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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