I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
