Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
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