I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
