Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
