i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
