ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
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