I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
