it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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