I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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