I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
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