i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
