So drunk its hurt
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
