im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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