Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I have feelings that need drinking.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
