Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
His hands were made for my vagina.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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