i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
