I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
