fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
