i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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