Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
