My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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