walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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