yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
