this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
