Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
So here I am, sexting at work.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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