In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
