everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
