you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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