Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
