We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Randomize
