I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
