Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
