and my herpes radar will keep us safe
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
