My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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